July 2008
Conservatives have attacked the Government finances after it revealed that civil servants had been paid £128m in bonuses in the last financial year.
Some were unsure if these were non productive bonuses, paid to those who made the decision to pay the bonuses. This conundrum caused so much confusion within the civil service it had to close down for a month on full pay.
A Dept of Pensions senior civil servant admitted he knew nothing,
Seemingly this is not unusual, with some suggestion he was in the majority, indeed he had been unlikely to have been given the job had he not confessed to being “Clueless from Oxbridge” on his application.
However he did suggest putting the question in Latin maybe helpful and as everything else was Greek to him, he was to set off that very afternoon on a personal Odyssey to his Athenian villa, where he was to spend much of the unplanned month away, fortunately the bonus would come in very handy for this impromptu jollie.
He did have one piece of advice for the pensioners on £90 a week, seemingly Tesco were doing a 2 for 1 deal on Mr, Kipling cakes, & said pensioners could now eat twice as much cake as was good for them, in the hope that clogged arteries would lead to the early demise of many “£90 a weeker’s”.
He was immediately offered a further £20k bonus for this cost cutting proposal.
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