BRENDA
So Kind
So Soft
So Gentle
Brenda and I met when both were going through the throes of failed marriages.
The “baggage” this brought was difficult but eventually we navigated a path through the turmoil.
Brenda is the love and light of my life, Brenda brought balance to my life and is forever the most important person in my life.
Brenda’s quietness, calmness, inner strength in any circumstance is really quite breathtaking.
What on this earth Brenda saw in me I will never really understand, but what a gift, what a gift I was given.
To those who did not know Brenda, or wish to engage it really was their loss, to be touched by her gentleness was a wonderful feeling, her selflessness was at times quite maddening, her kindness beyond belief, but her gentleness was beyond explanation.
Brenda had some 8 years ago been found to have Lupus and Raynauds these are two illnesses that many find difficult to deal with as scarring of the lungs and the many other symptoms often mean they give up work as the pains make life very difficult, Brenda did not once complain or take even one day from her work or her private life.
Let me tell you about Brenda after she was diagnosed with cancer, we came out of the hospital and I said we would close the shutters on her business and take things from there. Brenda said no and was back at work within the hour, me?, well I sat in a car park crying.
Through all the time Brenda was ill with the cancer, Brenda had to live with the knowledge her life was to be lived in 3 month cycles, not once, not once did Brenda falter, no why me? Just calmly carried on with total dignity, indeed one clinician used the word “serene”.
My love for Brenda is total and strengthened by her wonderful example, although my jaw often dropped at her gentleness which was total throughout Brenda’s life and her trials.
Brenda and I had lived together for many years, when out of the blue she asked me to marry her, I did wonder if Brenda had been given some news and was protecting me, I asked Brenda why she felt this now and Brenda told me she loved me and guess what I loved Brenda.
The wedding was in Brenda’s usual understated style and we spent our honeymoon at Old Trafford of all places watching the Leeds Rhinos v Bradford Bulls.
When the 2007 Grand Final arrived and Leeds had once again qualified Brenda had been struggling more than usual with the illness and had been in terrible pain being admitted to Cookridge Hospital with no possibilty of going to the match, however she persuaded the doctors to release her to watch the final at home on the television as she once again refused to surrender to the disease and its attempts to govern her life.
I can only tell you of my life with Brenda, but the last 3 years plus we both agreed have been the best of our lives, this may sound odd given the shadow of the illness, what may sound as strange we decided to relinquish our business interests leaving us with no income as such.
Brenda and I spent every day together, we did simple things and enjoyed them immensely, and all throughout this time the physical restrictions and Brenda’s pain were often forgotten.
I have never loved so much; I have never seen such bravery, courage, calmness, selflessness from anyone whilst battling a horrid and despicable disease which seems almost to take delight in its ability to slice your health at will, but also removes your quality of life in the most horrible of ways, and through it all Brenda always worried for me and never not ever for herself. The only signal we usually heard if Brenda was in pain, was Oh dear, Oh dear.
Wednesday 26 March 2008 this world became a much poorer place, as my wife, my love, my wonderful, wonderful, beautiful Brenda just became too ill.
My love
My life
My Brenda
So kind, So soft, So very, very gentle. |
